Wow, Can I Speak to Someone Who Lives in My Country, please?

That was a first. A strange, confusing first.

I called Amazon's Customer Service for the first time (well, actually they call you after you request to call them) ever, and when I picked up the phone I thought it was a joke. Like a prank being played on me by a friend. Some dude named Nizam on the other end with an impenetrable Hindu accent asking me, "How may I be of service today?" I decided to ride this weird Kipling Waja out however. I posed a fairly simple question: I ordered an item on this date and I am supposed to receive it by the 21st, but the item hasn't shipped yet, I just want to verify that the delivery is still planned for the 21st.

The typical verification B.S. of Name, Rank, and Serial number all laced with an Indian Patois, then we get to the end of that preliminary dance competition and Nizam asks me, So I understand your wanting correctly to cancel your order? I declare, NO! And say, All I want to know is why my order hasn't shipped out and if it is still scheduled for delivery on the 21st? Nizam, eager this time, feeling he's got the gist of all this hepcat English I'm tossing out his way, says to me, So you want to cancel your order. NO NO NO NO! Let's try this one more time. And really slowly, like I am explaining the concept of governance to Sarah Palin, I repeat the question a third time. Nizam lets out an Ohhhhhhh, like I'm the guy with the 7-11 accent and who sounds like a retard, and says, Oh your order will shit out.

I hang up the phone confused and befuddled. Oddly Xenophobic too.

I decided to give it one more go about ten minutes later. This time I called them and I reached a guy named Bob who sounded Swedish and sped up on crank. However I could at least understand him on some level. And I got an answer. My item will ship today and will arrive tomorrow. TA-DAH! I made. I survived Amazon's Colors of Benetton Call Center.

Look, I'm all for giving people in developing nations work, but not work that involves me trying to parse through their rudimentary knowledge of the English language and American Consumer Culture. When I call customer service for any company I'm not asking for a lot. I expect the incompetence and general disregard that comes from making ten dollars an hour answering stupid questions. I get it. I know the dance. But, please, can I at least get verbally abused and mentally insulted by someone from my own country? Please?

The Global Economy Gives Me A Headache

I ordered a copy of OS X Leopard and a copy of the Extended DVD Edition of "Dune" from Amazon. Two day shipping, should be here tomorrow. Well, actually, since it ships out from Lexington, Kentucky and I sent it to my Parents' address in Indiana I should have had it overnight, but then I get up and check the tracking this morning and my delivery has been "re-scheduled" for Tomorrow.

I don't care all that much, but I am a bit perplexed by this turn of events since it s maybe 3 1/2 hours from Lexington to my Parents' Door. Maybe 4 hours if the driver has to go tinkle. A half hour ago I re-checked the tracking and discover that my package was flown from Lexington, Kentucky all the way to Indianapolis. UPS would have literally flown it over my head. And now that package is being flown back down from Indianapolis to Evansville.

UPS has sent my package in an intentional circle around Indiana and wasted four hours of jet fuel for... what exactly? Maybe I am just insane, but wouldn't have been cheaper to just fly or drive said package straight from Lexington to Evansville?

Or is that just way too logical for Corporate America?

Keep it Sexy, America.

Well, I Should Be Finishing the Fight Right Now

... But I am not.

Thanks Amazon. Normally video game pre-orders go out a couple days before the actually street date, and you usually get them on Launch Day. With HALO 3... Not so much. My order didn't go out until late last night. According to NeoGaf that is par for the course for Amazon's HALO 3 pre-orders. And a couple of pre-orders with overnight shipping haven't even shipped yet.

Oh, and the best is that UPS actually made it from Sparks, Nevada to Los Angeles, California by this morning. Well, close to Los Angeles. Last tracking info says Vernon, California, which is less than twenty minutes away. I mean, I could literally drive there from here. But according to UPS' Tracking Site my copy of HALO 3 has been "in transit" from Vernon to Los Angeles since 10:15 in the A.M. Way to go UPS! The only delivery company that must require its drivers to go two miles an hour on the freeway.

Yes, I am bitter and frustrated. Hopefully, tomorrow. There is Always Tomorrow.

Keep it Sexy, America.

"You Know, Stan, I've Learned Something Today..."

Recently I posted all my old XBOX stuff -- games, system, controllers, manuals -- on Amazon's Marketplace to get rid of. In one more year all the first generation XBOX stuff is worthless so why not? And for the most part the stuff just FLEW OFF the cyber-shelves. Within a day if not less.

Now my attitude about buying anything used was formed in my youth before eBay and Amazon Marketplace. I always assumed that when you buy anyone else's crap that there is a Sixty / Forty chance that whatever I am buying is going to be ... well, crap. No matter how well anyone takes care of Anything there is one fatal flaw when buying Old Stuff: Old Stuff is Old.

Hence my rather obnoxious tendency to buy everything new, from a store, with a receipt, in a box with a Brand Name on It. Yeah, I never get the Best Deals. But you know what? My DVD player works and if it it doesn't I take it back to Fry's Electronics. My XBOX 360 works and if it doesn't I send it back to Microsoft. You can't do that with the $500 Plasma you bought off Craig's List.

So that's always been my attitude towards buying and selling used stuff. Hey, I'm not out to scam anyone but you are rummaging through the dusty bits of my life for a $6.00 video game. If it doesn't work two weeks later...Well Sorry?

But people who buy used crap online really don't have that attitude I've discovered. Not only do they expect your used crap to be sold to them at far below market value, people buying online expect that your Used Crap is Like New, utterly Pristine, and Guaranteed to work Forever. Otherwise they should be able to send it back...RIGHT!?

The whole sense of 'You're Buying Someone Else's Crap' has been totally forgotten. Now your average person selling his Used Video Games is held to the same standard as a retail store down the street.

Hello? Would you buy a lamp at a garage sale for $2 and then take it back a day later if it didn't work? Demanding your $2? No. I hope not... Yet, buying something from a person off Amazon or Craig's List somehow affords you that right.

Not only do most people seem to expect the average "rights" they are bequeathed by a retail store, but they also expect you to read for them as well. You sent me the wrong game! It was listed under XBOX games. I wanted the PS2 version! Well, should've READ THE FRACKING AD THEN! The same goes for the people that send emails complaining some four year old plastic snapcase was torn...When the ad clearly stated case was banged up.

The level of Whining American Stupid White People Entitlement is gut-wrenching. There is a basic lack of respect for the concept you are buying something Used from Someone Else. Someone else who bought it new, and enjoyed it, and cared for it, and who is selling it to you for Whatever reason. There is also a basic lack of reality -- that sense of I am buying something Used because I want to save money and that comes with its own set of disadvantages.

All that's gone. You are expected to be Target with a Eternal Return Policy. On a personal level something I doubt I'll do again. Sorry World you won't have my Used Crap to Kick Around Anymore!

Keep it Sexy, America.