So I've been a bit busy watching my life fall to crap to update my blog with any regularity. Quite frankly I haven't had much to say either.
Then today I ran across
this Associated Press story, courtesy of latimes.com, "Turkish General Warns of Irreversible Damage to US Ties if Genocide Resolution Passes" and in doing so I decided to latch onto my newest cause celeb. Nah, not that. Not the Armenian Genocide.
System of the Down and the thousands of un-depilated Armenians that double park their Mercedes Benzs' and march through the streets of Hollywood demanding we recognize that a 100 years ago the Ottoman Turks ran them out of the Near East and all the way to Fresno and Glendale to live poor, fruitless, oppressed lives as bankers, land-owners, heroin dealers, used car salesmen, and the dudes that run Zankou Chicken.
My thought was as long as the Congress of the United States is engaged in meaningless recognition of bad stuff that happened to select ethnic groups in a now defunct Empire over a hundred years ago instead of, I dunno, doing something, like, I dunno, Ending the War in Iraq I need to get in on this action. Well, I'm not Armenian. I'm not really part of any ethnic group that needs to defines itself by having been slaughtered by its neighbors.
Okay, I'm a bit Irish. But everyone has hard that drunk's song and tune over and over again. Yeah, yeah, British Invasion, blah blah, Potatos, yeah yeah, deportation to Austrlia, whatever. That was awful and all, but c'mon the murder and starvation of millions of Irish men and women over hundreds of years just doesn't have the same Madison Avenue pizzazz that The Armenian Genocide has to it.
If I am going to start a cause Celeb its got to have Sex Appeal, baby. Then it all hit me. I'm also a good percentage Czech by extraction. Czech... like from Prague Czech. Prague... WHAMMEE! THAT'S IT!
I am hereby starting the first campaign to Officially Recoginize the
Defenestration of Prague. That's right! We must NEVER FORGET the Defenestration of Prague. I don't even know what the Defenestration of Prague was... I looked it up on Wikipedia and I still don't know what the Defenestration of Prague was, but I know I am part Czech and my Mom's Family was historically around Prague therefore one of my relatives might very well have been defenestrated, or done the defenestrating and therefore we must Never Forget.
I call on the United States Congress to pass a resolution both recognizing and condemning the Defenestration of Prague! Justice must be done! Sure, everyone involved has been dead for four hundred plus years but my ethnic identity as a person rests upon it! Besides, if the United States Congress does not condemn The Defenestration of Prague it is like it never happened. I mean, historically it did happen, but we need to be constantly reminded of the brutality of the Defenestration of Prague because I need some event to define myself with and who knows....? We could forget about the Defenestration of Prague and then one day some dude could just come up to you in your home, at your job, or even standing in line at Starbucks and defenestrate you!
NO! That can never happen! Call and write your Congressman and tell him/her/it that we need to as a country Officially Recognize the Defenestration of Prague!
And after that, the next step, The Defenestration of Prague Day where I and all my other Czech brethren get the day off and can randomly tack up "No Parking Signs" around Hollywood. And then I need to write a thrash metal ballad informing the world of the horrors of the Defenestration of Prague! And then Defenestration of Prague reparations for all the poor souls defenestrated over the years...
LET OUR VOICES BE HEARD!
DEMONSTRATE! DON'T DEFENESTRATE!
Keep it Sexy, America.
Labels: Armenian Genocide, Cause Celeb, Defenestration of Prague
