"The Black Donellys"

Taking a break from the tedium of writing something that I have a good feeling will get shot down in five minutes I was watching "The Black Donnellys" on my DVR. Give this show a try, folks.

For network TV its pretty good TV. I'm no Paul Haggis fan, especially the abomination that was "CRASH", but the man does know how to write good Television. This show is made even better with the knowledge that "The Black Donellys" is replacing STUDIO 60 in NBC's Monday night line up.

The Pilot for "The Black Donellys" re-airs on Thursdays in "ER"'s timeslot. If you haven't caught, catch it. Unless you want more CSI knock-offs on the air.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Is This the Part Where I Start to Care?

I guess I am supposed to say something about the Oscars right? Because that's what every other blogger is going to be doing for the next week right? And since I live and work in Hollywood I must have a really deep opinion of the Awards right?

Um... OK... Here it goes.

I watched the Academy Awards because there was nothing else on. Much like Britney Spear's last twenty pregnancies I didn't plan it that way, it just happened.

The show was horrible, it was too long and showed in great detail how out of touch Hollywood is with the rest of the world (and not in a good way anymore), and Ellen Degeneres isn't funny gay or straight. Maybe its me, maybe its too much time in L.A., maybe its the state of affairs in the world today in general but I do not have the tolerance anymore to watch a pack of Elitists give each other a Creative and Intellectual reach-a-round.

If I want to watch that that is what I have Aaron Sorkin for. Well, used to have Aaron Sorkin for that.

It was nice to see Marty finally get an OSCAR. OK, maybe "THE DEPARTED" wasn't his best work ever EVER; it was still a helluva a movie that Scorsese directed the hell out of it.

I think "BABEL" should have gotten best picture in a perfect world. Correction...In a Perfect Perfect World "APOCALYPTO" would've gotten nominated for Best Picture and had a shot at winning because Mel Gibson would have kept his mouth shut about "the Jew Thing". BUT -- I also think though there is some merit in giving Best Picture to a film like "The Departed" which is both good and a movie most people saw (or had an opportunity to see).

Otherwise Hollywood looks even more out of step with its audience then it already is. Really -- how many people saw "VENUS" or "NOTES ON A SCANDAL"?

And the rest I could give a flying crap about. Sorry, Academy Awards did not do it for me this year. Now maybe if Scooter Libby had been presenting...

Keep it Sexy, America.

P.S. Memo to the Academy: Tell Jennifer Hudson to stop eating all of Cate Blanchett's food.

Well, That Was Fun... Or How I Got Banned From NeoGAF

I'm a pretty polite Net Citizen all things considered, I think. On message boards I always have an opinion -- kind of dull if one didn't -- but I am pretty polite by internet standards.

So why the hell did I just get banned from NeoGAF for a week? I didn't call anyone a douchebag (although there are some Fifteen year old gamers with PS3s that richly deserve the title). Oh, might have been being part of a small XBOX clique on a board mostly run by Sony Playstation fans. Or the fact I had the temerity to reference Kotaku (which for some reason is a No-No over there). And this is the message I got when I was banned:

"You have been banned for the following reason:
let's see how long you last here, junior"

Yeah, that's real even-handed Board Moderation guys.

I don't like making mountains out of molehills. Especially particularly irrelevant Internet Molehills. There is something in my basic DNA, however, that really gets riled when me or anyone else gets subjected to silly rules made up on an ad hoc basis. I hate little Dictators. Whether those Little Dictators come in the form of Parking Patrol passing out tickets, or 400 pound NeoGAF admins splitting time between banning people like me for having a contrary opinion and spooning with their $600 Playstation 3.

I honestly put a lot of stock in the internet as an open forum for the People to express whatever opinion they have which is why when I get comments that take issue with something I've blathered on about here I post them as long as they are semi-cogent. Otherwise everyone on the internet is locked in an endless spiral of mental masturbation clinging to whatever they think is right.

Or maybe I was banned for my Dog the Bounty Hunter Avatar, bra.

Then I remember as I reach the end of this blog entry that I really don't care all that much. And that lurking around NeoGAF and IMDB message boards is just something I to avoid real work and real life from time to time. Still a great big world out there.

Keep it Sexy, America.

'How to Kill A Brand..."

The geek in me finds this hilarious...



Keep it Sexy, America.

'My New Hero'

Larry Seldin...



Simply because if one man can be so grossly incompetent and lugubrious on live, national Television for Five Days and still have a job as a FREAKIN' JUDGE I still have hope of becoming President of the United States.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Okay, Now its Funny Again

Apparently Britney Spears has just checked herself out of rehab. Again. That makes twice for those of you not keeping a running tally.

Recall what Marx (Karl, not Groucho) said about History Repeating... This remind you of Kurt Cobain's final days where he was in and out of rehab, and then no one knew where he was for a while. Then...

Yeah, exactly like that, but now this time its Funny and I don't care.

Meth is a helluva drug.

Keep it Sexy, America

Dude, That's Not Funny

I've been shaving my head since my hair started dropping out around Seventeen. You can't fight your genes and why bother with half-measures to try and save every last strand of defoliating hair. If MJ and Ben Kingsley can pull it off...

But now since Britney's manic depressive hair removal escapade I've been getting the random, Hey! You look like Britney Spears joke or Looks Better on You than on Britney Spears joke. OK, enough, its not that funny. Really.

Keep it Sexy, America.

And Now for Something Completely Different...

My sinuses have turned on me and I have been living in a NyQuil Haze the last three days. But here's a little visual joke to keep you sated.

What Do:

And:

Have In Common?

They Were Both Knocked Up By Jews and lied about it...

(Rimshot)

Keep it Sexy, America.

My MySpace Beseiged

I will freely admit I never GOT the whole MySpace thing but regardless I had a profile on MySpace nonetheless. Lately everything seems overrun with so much spam that its impossible to sort through "real" friends requests and fake friends that just want to post Free Viagra ads for Comments.

Gah, totally useless. And THIS is the future of the internet? I think you over-estimate their chances.

Keep it Sexy, America.

One Night Only! Your Chance to See the Now Dead Anna Nicole Smith

I promise this is the last Anna Nicole Smith post. Promise.



But how can you pass up aFree Pass to go mock Anna Nicole Smith One Last Time... And its the Johnstown Mall! THE MALL! The Mall truly, truly does have it all.

UPDATE: I have just been informed by people who actually care about this whole Anna Nicole situation for something more than just the comedy value of it that the free screening of "Illegal Aliens" at the Johnstown mall has been postponed.

If you cannot get out of your Saturday trip to the Johnstown mail why don't you stop by the local EB Games and see how many Playstation 3s are in stock and not selling because Sony's Head Honcho, Jack Tretton, is offering anyone $1,200 who can find a PS3 that has been in stock for more than five minutes. Just by judging from my part of the World Sony owes me about $4,800.

Keep it Sexy, America

Link Exchange

Astute readers may notice that I've added a "LINKS" section. If any out there in the B'Sphere wants to swap links email me.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Anna Nicole Smith's Last Film

Thanks to TMZ.com for bringing this to my attention.



Isn't clear what a Giant Thespian We've Lost Today?

Update: The Insanie Awards

So I get an email from the person that formed the basis of this particular Blog Entry... The email reads in part:

"Actually, I'm a Korean-American (born in California), straight dude, traveled / lived /
worked all over Europe. It's a long story."

REALLY!?

As I wrote back:

"Wow, you write like a crazy chick. I mean that in the sincerest fashion possible."

And, yep, your still quite insane.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Dead, Fabulously Dead, Anna Nicole

Not really much to say except the classic Guy Lament: Waste of a Good Piece of Ass.

I got to give props to Defamer and Mark Lisanti for going the Extra Mile. I had written of Defamer as yesterday's Hip they come back strong Live Blogging Anna Nicole Smith's Death Coverage on CNN. Most bloggers would've posted a stupid little blurb (like this stupid little blurb) to ride the Anna Nicole Smith coverage into a few extra Google Ad Word clicks.

But, No, not Lisanti's Defamer. Took that bitch 'tween his Teeth and Ran With It. Hell, he even worked in several Doctor Sanjay Gupta references. That is Dedi-Fucking-Cation.

Keep it Sexy, America.

'The Wookie Prisoner Gag...'

What if 'LOST' returned from an overly long hiatus would people still watch? Um, not really if you believe the newest overnight ratings. Apparently, people rather watch Gary Sinise piss away a once great career than watch 'LOST' in its new timeslot.

I watched friends. We had all jumped on the 'LOST' Bandwagon at roughly the same time and at the end of 2006 were all ready to jump off the bandwagon as it rushed headlong into the mouth of a jumped shark. I'll save you a recap better read on Television Without Pity.

Suffice it to say, It Was, indeed, An Episode. Not a terrible episode and not a great episode. Just an episode.

'LOST' as a show seems to be on a slow, steady descent into crappiness. No jamming the stick over and locking the rudders, yelling BANZAI! descent into crappiness that the "THE O.C." embarked on at the end of last year. No, a nice, easy landing on the tarmac of mediocrity.

What was more disturbing and illuminating was the 'LOST' Recap show before the Show, 'LOST SURVIVOR GUIDE', that featured banal interviews typically reserved for the DVD extras of Damon Lindelof and... some other Old Guy who wasn't J.J. Abrams (Abrams was strangely missing -- perhaps Tom Cruise needed to be fellated or he was too busy raping the STAR TREK franchise) not only recapping two and a half season's worth of story but arduously defending and, nay, pleading with the audience to please, PLEASE COME BACK!

The whole event was so self-servingly Earnest I wondered how close Lindelof was to strapping on a pair of Depends and driving cross-country to each and every LOST fan's house to mace them if they did not come back to the show.

I was almost embarrassed for Lindelof and ... That Other Guy Who Wasn't J.J. Abrams. Have a little self-respect, dudes.

Fans aren't going to come back to a show because they were persuaded to start tuning in by what amounted to an hour long pitch session. Fans are going to come back to a show when it stops sucking, stops obsessing solely on three Super-Super-Sexy characters for the bulk of a season, and stops dragging out a storyline that could've been told in two episodes over an entire season.

Of course that is exactly what they didn't do last night. Still better than watching Gary Sinise piss way his career though.

Keep it Sexy, America

The Insanie Awards

Its too early in the morning for blogging but yet I am. I was surfing around Craig's List as part of my morning wake up ritual. You know, just to see what's out there. If nothing else Craig's List provides a window into the disturbed mind of Los Angeles. And, oh brother, bra, its DISTURBED today.

I am malingering on the Writing Jobs Section for the obvious reason. Not much here that I am interested in between the High End Corporate Bullshit and the low end just Plain Bullshit. Then I see it, "Need Editor -- Fe(Male) Relationships ... ITS HARDCORE"

Female Relationships say, No No. The Hardcore screams, Yes oh Baby Yes.

And then I clicked the link.

WOW!

Most job listings -- hell Most Listings -- on Craig's List are just plain B.S. Flakes, con jobs, people wanting work for free because they are poor or they'll make you famous if you do this one little thing for them, and people wanting someone to edit their script for $25 (not an hour -- just $25).

Then there are the clearly Insane people that posts "Jobs" consisting of... Pure, Whole Grain Insane.

Like, "Seking Acdemy Award Winning Writer! I gut next great idea that can win many awards! Need accdemy award wwinning write for Polish and to work wid me on my ideaerr about a crypple police dag who mak everyone batter! NO pay, will receive percentage. PLEASE NOT APPLY UNLESS YOU HAVE ACCDEMY AWARD AND CREDITS!"

That's your Run of the Mill Insane. This however, this "Fe(Male) Relationship... ITS HARDCORE!" is complete new level of Insane. Like get the diapers, the steel mallet, the BB gun, trenchcoat and Wig 'cuz HERE I COME BABY! Insane.

Presented for Your Consideration the full "Need Editor -- Fe(male) Relationships ... ITS HARDCORE!":

"I'm an Absolute Virgin Author (AVA) who needs an experienced editor to edit my manuscript on Fe(male) Relationships...It's Hardcore. My explicit language is written to stir controversy and lots of discussions. I'm going to self-publish it and make a movie from it.

I don't care if you're female or male, but you MUST understand female sexuality very well. The requirements for the editor is that you must be a great editor and an expert in the following areas:

- The worst information that a young or older straight male can receive on how to become successful with females is from his Mom, sister...any female unless they are bi-sexual or lesbian. Too much female influence may confuse the young man later in life. This young man needs advice from a successful male (Dad, brother, uncle) or a Wingbrother.

- How females seduce men. It's great if a woman has had either a few bi-sexual experiences or relationships.

- 3 Classifications of Men: Sucker / Asshole / Charmer™

- Understand Maureen Dowd's Book "Are Men Necessary"

- Why women have bigger balls then men these days

It's ~80p, and I can bang it out in a few days if a great editor can give me some direction. Tell me your rates, and we'll go from there.

Here are some pieces to understand my logic:

Pertaining to men becoming intimate with women, I formulated four simple rules that seem to be agreeable with most women:
1. Don’t beg her. You will look like a child, and she may think that you have a very strong attachment to your Mommy.
2. Don’t argue with her. She will always win.
3. Don’t push her. She doesn’t like to be pressured to do anything that she’s not comfortable doing.
4. Don’t harm her (mentally or physically).
Immediately walk away from her if she's being a cock-tease performer. She'll respect you more and think of you as an asshole. This is what attracts her to you.


The 1950’s was an age of prosperity for many countries. A male factory worker with no formal education could afford to buy a nice house and a car for his family. Society emphasized the male provider. Yet, women didn’t always receive the acknowledgement that they deserved. After a short stint working in the armories during World War II, women were still expected to be the quiet nurturer. Although families became smaller, the duties for women were to deliver babies, clean the house, cook the meals, and look beautiful. The men worked and were the sole bread winner of the family and expecting a cold beer when he arrived home. He demanded respect from his wife and his children. Women strived in school and earned university degrees, and when she married her husband, had children and became a champion housewife, downshifting to domesticity.


Historically, people who have been suppressed for a long time have an inflection point in which the pressure will cause an explosion. When that fucker explodes, there is nothing but rage that lies in their path. There is no logic, and there is no sensitivity. If we look at extreme feminism of today, I, as a heterosexual man, can understand why they are so angry at the world. I can understand why they want to get even and cut off the balls of men. It’s all very logical: The dominant male infrastructure fucked and denied opportunities to them, to their sisters, to their mothers, to their daughters, to their nieces…the list goes on and on. To the patriarchal system of today: “You fucked the women in the past, and now the women want to fuck you back.”


Women are the masters of seduction, and they always have been and always will be; they know how to drive the situation. The men who know how to properly channel the female emotion will always have plenty of women around them. Women are physiologically better equipped to store data and run complex algorithms in a millisecond than men. It’s the way nature works. The caveat to this gift is that their emotions can cloud reason, reality and logic. Often times, men believe the lies women tell them, but it’s not as easy for a man to lie to a woman. Women can run a forensics lab in her head, and the men can barely remember her name. Men may have physical strength and the drive to compete and conquer, but that doesn’t guarantee succeeding in the game of intimacy. There is a mental portion that must be present in order to optimize his results.


Inertia is dangerous. The older the person, the more traditional and insecure s/he is in this new world. I read from some book that men after divorce have a hard time adjusting to their new situation. Social conditioning and behavior is the most difficult thing to change with people. You cannot change people, because will need to change themselves. The new rules are that the elders can learn a lot from the younger teachers. Don’t be afraid to take advice from someone much younger than you."

And you know what the best part is? Miss AVA herself offers you the exciting and challenging opportunity to stem the tide of her mental diarrhea for the compensation of: "Compensation: Going to self-publish"

How is telling me how you are going to publish your manifesto Compensation?

Clearly, INSANE!

Keep it Sexy, America

Super Bowl XLI

Nothing much to add that hasn't been said or written by people who get paid to say or write about football. Only that as a Indianapolis Colts fan feels nice to finally have the monkey of "You can't win THE BIG ONE" off our collective backs.

On a secondary note...What Was Up with Those Commercials!? Is Madison Avenue throwing in the talent towel? Have they just given up and concede the fact that no one with a brain and the ability to beg/borrow/buy/rent a DVR watches commercials anymore?

Keep it Sexy, America.