Overdue Parking Tickets, Past Due life

Nothing lovelier than having to pay for parking tickets you never knew you had on a car that has been out of your possession for six months. Never quite understood why there are certain groups of dimwits that swipe parking tickets off of cars in Los Angeles. Where exactly is the fun?

Oh, and as a final twist of the knife I got a residual screwing from the lovely Producers responsible for "WRISTCUTTERS" via L.A. Parking Patrol.

Last year when I was working as a script supervisor on that horrendous piece of indie trash the entire crew was instructed to park in one of two city parking lots. Metered but, generally, there is a pre-set arrangement with the Los Angeles Parking Bureau so no one has to place money in those meters.

In one of the great displays of Producing Genius apparently "WRISTCUTTERS" never had a permit to use a city parking lot all day. Me, and a couple other guys, got tickets.The Unit Production Manager said "they" (meaning the Producers, Tatiannna Kelly, et al) would "take care of it".

Well, guess what dear friends? They didn't, and to make matters worse, let it ride on my record for almost a year. So I ended up paying what would've been a day's pay on "Wristcutters" to clear it.

Thanks, douches.

Keep it Sexy, America.

"The End is Extremely Fucking NYE!"

Run for the hills, run for the desert, run for the unpopulated parts of the plains. Stockpile your water and guns! The end is nye, the end is nye. Apocalypse is upon us all.

Yes, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have birthed and brought forth the Hellspawn, the Antichrist, the Great Child who will raise Cthulhu from the Depths and visit Damnation on our heads!

RUN!

(I do wonder how that giant pacificer thingie worked out.)

Keep it Sexy, America.

Prank Calling Bangladesh

My old time RCA cable modem finally conked out Sunday.

I called Comcast, playing the irrate customer card, and got promptly connected to ... another country. I'm not a bigot or one of those guys that slam down Bud as they complain about "Illegals" taker their jobzzzzz, but c'mon is it too much to get tech support in the same country where I live?

I think I had the poor lil' Indian dude pissing his pants since it became quickly apparently that I had a more thorough knowledge of home networking (and most likely 'Home Plumbing') than he had. I finally got him to cough up the address of a Comcast Office where I could just exchange my modem same day.

Nothing quite as humorous as handing over the modem that a call center "Technician" in Hyderabad insisted was working great and watching it get tossed in a plastic garbage can without a thought by a Comcast tech in Hollywood.

Keep it Sexy, America.

I Got Nothing....

Raining in Los Angeles. Something midly depressing when it rains in Los Angeles when Glitter turns into mire, and everywhere you look takes on a patina of "Blade Runner".

I've got nothing really to say or write about at the moment. I've been in one of my low cycles of thoughtful, chain-smoking depression, searching desperately for the next great idea or seeking a random distraction from the at large world.

God, I sound pretenious. I should be writing liner notes for The Cure.

All the time my Girlfriend wants me to Blingo.

Keep it Sexy, America.

War Stories...

A couple of Filmmaker / film crew war stories I posted on the MySpace filmmaker forum. Thought it might make for some profound or stupifying reading.

As a script supervisor I mainly got to watch people's Eff-Ups and shake my head. Like the time thirty people, cast and crew, were standing knee deep in the Pacific Ocean off some Beach in Malibu shooting on 24P HD Panasonic VariCam.

When these guys (who were all from Iceland, btw, and named Thor) had rented the camera package for cheap, were shooting on used HDCAM tapes (recording over a Val Kilmer project that went nowhere apparently), and the four camera batteries were all crap each would last an hour at best on a charge.

So there we were knee deep in Ocean 5pm, had to be off the beach at 7pm, and trying to shoot a 15 page day. And, yep, the camera batteries died. Panic insued, director starts yelling, producer/actress starts freaking, the A.C. goes running for the batteries, but oh-oh, somebody had unplugged the charger to plug in the coffee pot, or toaster. So the UPM tells the Gaffer to run a stinger from the generator to the camera. Did I mention the camera was handheld in knee deep salt water.

Never seen a Gaffer's mouth drop open. Shook his head, turned away, and went back to his truck. (Forget what they did about the batteries, think they just kept plugging them in for 10 minutes at a time.)

Last November I was working on this horror movie called "SOMEBODY HELP ME" (produced and directed by the "YOU GOT SERVED" people, so you knew it had to be good) up in Arrowhead. We were all getting decent pay, $200 plus OT, and hotels but the entire schedule was screwed. There was a big rift starting to form between the production side and everyone else.

On our worst day we worked 22 hours straight. And we had this Condor crane with lights elevated about two or three stories in the air. It was cold in the mountains, and in the basket of the crane it was like twenty degrees colder. The gaffer sent up one of his electrics with a walkie after lunch/dinner.

Everyone forgot he was up there. Everyone. Including his own Gaffer and Best Boy. His radio had gone dead due to the cold. Around three am we see the COndor come down to the ground. Director starts yelling, freaking out; the Producers start freaking. The Electric in the crane walked past everyone, got in his CIVIC, never came back.

Then there are the dozens of stories I have about the crew deciding when they were going to wrap and switch off the generator because the Producers didn't see a problem with people working sixteen hours day. The one time a entire grip crew bumrushed a line producer and wailed on his ass because he didn't give them overtime. Or the time an entire film crew Unionized an indie shoot.

Numero Two-O...

Okay, one more...

Again on "SOMEBODY HELP ME" towards the begining of the second week of production we started at around Noon and by four o'clock we were already four hours behind schedule. I notice among the chaos our sweet angel of a film loader is chugging Pepto Bismol and she looks green.

Food poisoning, she tells him, hope you don't eat the breakfast. For whatever reason on this show they didn't bother hiring a pro cartering. Literally one of the producer's Moms was cooking for us. Worst food possible but not lethal until that day.

I was sitting by the monitor waiting for the lighting crew to finish up and I start to get the worst stomach cramps imagineable. I break out in a ice ccold swea tin 50 degree weather. Yeah, I like a moron, at the eggs. Between takes I was literally forcing myself not to pass out the world was spinning so fast. The loader and myself started raiding the convenience store where we were shooting for ginger ale and saltines. If any asked, we'd tell them bill it to the production company.

We wrapped that location at eight and had a company move into pitch black woods -- so black you couldn't see a foot in front of you. I hitched a ride to basecamp and laid down with a 7Up. Two hours passed, and I felt well enough to head over to the second location.

Hike all the way down hill, through woods, in the dark, expecting to see a grip/electric crew lighting and find only the D.P., Gaffer, and 1st A.D. standing by the side of this one lane mud road talking about the schedule. Apparently the G/E crew (which was way under-crewed for the lighting set ups we were doing) was still back at locaiton one wrapping. But because everyone was having a Pow-Wow to discuss scheduling on the side of the road I get pulled in because I know the page counts, what we shot, what we missed etc.

Ten minutes into the discussion we see this dual-axel stake bed rumbling down this private road. one of our trucks. We see him, he obviously sees us.We are climbing up the embankment to get out of his way, but we are also figuring he is slowing down. Nope. HE SPEEDS UP!

The Gaffer and D.P. leap for it. The side mirror of the F350 wakes my in the chest at about 25mph an hour I hit the deck, pushing the 1st A.D. out of the way, and then the BIG ASS DUAL AXEL rolls over my foot. I thought for two seconds I was going to be an amputee.

Thankfully right before I left for Arrowhead my Mom had sent me a Birthday Care package and in that package were, you guessed it, steel toed boots. Saved my foot.


The next half hour there is Fire, EMS, CHP in the parking lot. THe FIre and EMS people are trying to convince me to file a police report, CHP wants to file a attempted manslaughter charge against the driver, the Producers are arguing with the cops and trying to sweet talk me, and then the rest of the film crew arrives. They start asking me what happened, they start telling me to sue, blah blah blah.

Eventually I just want to go back to my hotel and sleep off the food poisoning and the pain in my foot. The 2nd A.D. gives me some vicodan and the UPM lets me go back to my hotel early.

About four in the morning I wake up with the realization I got hit by a truck on a film titled, SOMEBODY HELP ME.

The capper was the next day though. I was getting all the normal, Are you okay comments? But then late at night one of the Executive Producers. She pulls me aside and says, Larry, we had some continuity problems last night. These actors had on hoodies when they shouldn't. I am a bit taken a-back I respond that I wasn't hre last night. She says, Oh, I know, but we really got to watch continuity from now on. I said, sure, next time, don't hit me with a truck.

Keep it Sexy, America.

I Worked On This...

I feel dirty... Worst part of it is I can't remember what exactly I spent two weeks worth of paychecks on. Stuff I guess.

Keep it Sexy, America.

The Face of Style in Our Time

Far be it for me to dust off and drag out a Has-Been Reality show contestant and turn him into anything other than an object of scorn. But Remember Brent Buckman? That really annoying, useless, sweaty, pasty, insane dude from the current season of "The Apprentice"...?

Well whether this is a clever fake or Brent is a not so clever Douche someone claiming to be Brent Buckman is posting trash talk to IMDB.

Now setting aside the reality of this guy going to the trouble of trolling a message board. Whoever wrote "Brent's Profile" is a genius. Pure and simple. Including but not limited to Brent Buckman ... FASHIONISTA!

Yes, my friends, this is apparently the future of style in the 21st Century:



This is assuming of course Buckman's refering to clothes not to the well-kown high end S&M Spank Video that was turned into a Vegas live show. That's a scarier picture.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Anatomy: The Death of a Meme

Sunday Afternoon I was screwing around on IMDB's Message Boards waiting for my PC to finish a virus scan so I could get back to some Major League screwing around.

As luck would have it I got a lesson in the utter capriciousness of Buzz. In this case, Internet Buzz. One day you are riding high on the a "Snakes on a Plane" Buzz and the next thing you know you are smoking Uwe Boll's crack.

"Silent Hill" has gotten a fair amount of Internet Buzz in the last six months. The punchline being that "Silent Hill" may be the first video game to movie translation that does not suck outright. In other words, suck because it is a video game to movie translation. In part because -- unlike "DOOM" and "Alone in the Dark" -- "Silent Hill" was getting a Real Director, Christophe Gans ("Brotherhood of the Wolf"), and a Real Screenwriter, Roger Avary (the other guy who happened to co-write "Pulp Fiction").

I got to admit I even sipped at the "Silent Hill" Kool-Aid. No, not a maniac "Silent Hill" fan. I don't think I've even played all the way through one of the four games. Why did I hoist the Sippy cup of marketing Kool-Aid? The trailer looked pretty cool.

Considering I actually know the logic behind a Trailer and how a movie Trailer is basically a sucker punch 99.9% of the time for the audience I shouldn't have caught onto the Buzz. But I did. Even I'm a sucker for something that looks "COOL" sometimes.

So there I was posting responses, flipping through other topics on Silent Hill's IMDB Board, and then all of a sudden someone grabbed the meaty part of our collective Thigh and jammed a syringe of Logic into our Buzz-Infected blood stream.

The topic appeared mundane enough: "Critics Reviewing It Before Release or Not". The usual couple of responses to this post featuring the typical wild speculation, and then the Bomb (ironically posted by "Dynamite Headdy") that, no, "Silent Hill" would not be screened for Critics.

In part from Filmforce.ign.com:

Well Jesse, I'm pretty much in agreement with you. I'm looking forward to Silent Hill and think Gans is the right man to direct it. I got a good impression from visiting the set and the early footage I've seen looks good. On the other hand, Screen Gems recently cancelled the junket claiming that the cast and director were unavailable. They've also cancelled all early screenings of the film. This is generally a pretty bad sign and an indication that people aren't liking the film. Fingers crossed that I'm wrong, I suppose.

UH-OH.

You know what happens when movies are not screened for critics. Don't pretend you don't. Remember "Scooby-Doo" and "Garfield"? Neither do I. Do you remember reading reviews for "Scooby Doo" and "Garfield"? Neither do I.

Not previewing your film for the critics is a sign of weakness. Not just a little chink in the Marketing Armor. But a big I Just Brokedown in Tears at My Daughter's Wedding Infront of My Mafia Pals and the Federal Marshall sign of weakness.

And, unless you think films like "Underworld: Evolution" are the pinnacle of artistic achievement, not screening a film for the critics pretty much assures the audience that that film will SUCK.

So where does that leave "Silent Hill"?

That single lonely thread grew and grew and grew in nuclear meltdown proportions spreading the antidote of Buzz throughout the body of one internet community. The desperate longings of Silent Hill fanboys clutching the CD jewel case of their favorite game to their chest, rocking back and forth, eyes clamped shut with doughy tears begging for reassurance that their beloved game hadn't been butchered into yet another toss-away horror flick. None came.

Then the word that had never been uttered on the "Silent Hill" message board outside of the Random Troll: SUCK. As in does this mean it {Silent Hill) will Suck? From that moment on any hope of a counter-revolutionary Buzz was destroyed. The casual fan were now left wondering if this Cool Appearing Film could indeed, and the fanboys were left making excuses and taking potshots at Roger Ebert.

Yeah. A lot of people may still see "Silent Hill" and "Silent Hill" may make back its $50 million dollar estimated budget. But that elusive quality of Buzz, of Must-See, of enthusiasm bordering on hysteria? Gone. Ceasing to be Cool.

No wonder the traditional marketing departments at the major Studios are hopelessly confused. They are faced with at anytime a culture phenomena jumping the shark into the pool of mediocrity. All the time sitting back in Areon chairs going, What Did We Do Wrong?

Keep it Sexy, America.

You need a Phonecard, right?

C'mon, BUY SOME LONG DISTANCE FROM ME! NOW! I NEED BEER MONEY!

(I'm just bored and promoting my girlfriend's little side project at the moment.)



Keep it Sexy, America.

Has Snakes on a Plane Jumped the Shark?

This comes courtesy of The Defamer.





There is something ugly that happens when a pop culture phenom (think Craig's List) goes into the mainstream and becomes something every douchebag can play a role in (think Craig's List).

Damnit, "Snakes On A Plane", you used to be COOL MAN!

Keep it Sexy, America.

How Not to Pitch a Script

I found this one Los Angeles Craig's List fairly useless but always entertaining "Writing Gigs" section. Someone call Uwe Boll, I think we have his next movie.


I have written an amazing script: Joe is a cop who's partner is killed. He must avenge his partners death. His son is 8 years old and finds a jeanies lamp. Joe and his son end up changings places and now Jim is the kid and his son is the cop. Vampires have invested Los Angles and now Jim must fight them of as well as still find his parterns killer while his sons soul is inside him! Then the dinosors are released and all hell brakes loose!!!! Joe is suddenly transported to world War 2 and has to fight off nazis and still find his parnters killer and it turns out Joe is illiterait!! he comes across his father and wants to know why he beat him when he was a child and he tells Jim it was because he was mad his mom died when he was born. Suddenly, whales take over L.A.!!! And this is in the first 30 pages!!!!

I believe this script can be made quiet cheeply and will make you millions of dollars!!! I have a degree in English and a phd in screenwriting. If this script doesnt come in first place in the Nicole fellowships I will raise any agent who signs me fee by 33%. If this script doesn sell for 5 million dollars I will raise that money myself and give it you!!! "Dirty Laundry" is my second script and everyone who has read it says its like Pulp Fiction meets In the Bedroom.

That's funny, and I'm not even stoned.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Phish Kills

I haven't had much on my mind this week. The weather in Los Angeles has been playing havoc with my sinuses and my allergies, not exactly news worthy.

But between speculating on the cinema-worthiness of the upcoming "Silent Hill" movie I managed to write something semi-profound over on the "CRASH" IMDB Message Board:

All culture is politics, all politics is culture. It is impossible to divorce the two.

That's what the TOm Delays of the world understand: they are fighting a two front war of politics and (backwards) culture. Progressives think they are throwing a hippie jam band fest where we can learn to "love each other" (as if its possible to love a cobra).

Thus ends my Leninist Rant.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Attack of the Allergies

Today Los Angeles looks like a cross between rainy Seattle and rainy Scotland. So, yeah, it is a lovely day to throw yourself from a balcony.

Not to mention that my seldom heard from allergies began flaring up about an hour ago so I began sneazing, and sniffling, and sounding like Lindsey Lohan after a night on the town with Kate Moss.

Eh, that's all I got today.

Keep it Sexy, America.

More Tales of Zackary Morad -- Douchebag

When last I left you I posted an interesting bit of flame war between myself and a self-styled "Producer" named Zackary Morad, who's only past experience was as an assistant to Steven Seagal, and he was trying to pay people $100 a day to work on his film. Actually getting quite angry when I had the temerity to suggest that make the movies should and typically do get paid more than people who make the Big Macs.

After entry Zack fires back (well, he actually fired back about ten emails, one a minute, filled with half a sentence each -- this is a summation):


ILLEGAL YOU MORON, I AM PAYING MORE THEN MINIMUM WAGE, YOU IDIOT P.A AND MAKE NO MISTAKES I HAVE NO PROBLEMS WITH P.A, I WAS ONE, I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH LOSER PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT WORK AS A P.A AND A SCRIPT SUPERVISOR TRYING TO TELL ME ABOUT BUSINESS.

SO, FUCK FACE, IF YOU DON’T WANT THE JOB JUST DON’T FUCKING REPLY, YOU DUMB ASS, JUST LET THE PEOPLE WHO WANT THEIR NAME ON A COOL PROJECT AND SHARE THE POINTS ON THE BACK END DO IT, JUST LAY DOWN AND FUCKING LET A COW VOMIT ON YOUR DUMB ASS FACE.

Yep. Apparently if you dare point out that people who work twelve hours plus a day on a film set should get paid more than $8.00 an hour you're an "ass face". Not only that but two years of experience as Steven Seagal's coffee-grabbing butt buddy trumps five years of on set production experience...Sure.

I'm not re-posting portions of these emails to make Zackary Morad look like a total ass on a crack bender. I find it illustrative of what many, including myself, have to put up on a day in day out level. In a lot of ways people who work deep behind the scenes are cannon fodder for both the Big Dick and the Little Pricks.

Whether it is losing your johnson for a "Mission: Impossible III" stunt, or just suffering under the abuse and stupidity of the Zackary Morad's of the World myself and thousands of people like me do it to be a part of the big glittering white sign on a hill.

AH, the Movies. Best job in the world.

Keep it Sexy, America.

And You Wonder Why People Hate Hollywood

I've written in the past about the general stupidity that makes a home inside the indpendent film industry.

The fact that -- unlike any industry in the world -- "Producers" of independent films get away with paying people less than minimum wage ($100/a day spread out over Sixteen to Twenty Hour Days), and get outraged when you point out that fact and mention the term, "living wage".

This 19th Century reality of slave labor and imperial arrogance is hard to grasp for most people in the world beyond Los Angeles. Nothing illustrates the situation better than a minor flamewar I got into with former Steven Seagal Assistant, Zackary Morad.

Apparently, Zackary Morad has worked his way up from doing whatever Mister Seagal's Personal Assistants do to executive producing a $200,000 Direct To Video Masterpiece. Keeping with the tradition set forth by his Buddhist Master, Zack is also giving and paying people shit to work on this "Masterpiece".

Recently Zack sent out a general email to the LA Producers YahooGroup asking for:

"Looking for an experienced LOCATION MANAGER and an experienced PRODUCTION COORDINATOR for an ultra low budget feature packed with some brilliant actors from big television shows. Pay is $100.00 a day, experienced personel only please."

For those that don't know low budget rates for a Production Coordinator are around $200 a day plus overtime at eight hours. Location Managers are probably around $300 a day plus overtime and gas, I'm guessing.

Not only is $100 a day way below industry rates, $100 barely meets minimum wage in California, for two jobs that take immense amount of time to do properly (well beyond the standard 12 hour film industry day). Add to that you also have to put up with the brilliant musings of a twenty year old Executive Producer and former assistant to Steven Seagal.

No one in their right mind would work for that. The responses from LA Producers were shall we say cold? Guys like Zack Morad piss in the pool we all drink in and help to lower the working standards that we all survive by in the film industry.

My Response (in part):

And, zack, what??? Would you try to hire an experienced CFO, or a trained carpenter, or an IT/MIS Supervisor for what amounts to about $8 an hour ? Somehow though it is a perfectly reasonable request for people who have comparable levels of experience and training in the film industry. Yeah, we know, your project is great, blah blah blah, tell that to my landlord.

If you are going to ask people to work for that rate I'd suggest losing the attitude and conceding that if you pay Mc-Wages you often get a Mc-Crew.

Considering that even asking experienced department heads to work for $7.50 an hour is a deep insult I think my response was moderate. A smarter person, or perhaps someone that doesn't have the deep knowledge of Steven Seagal as Zack does, would take that response as a bit of a wake up call. Maybe I shouldn't try to pay experience professional less than the Deep Fryer Guy at McDonalds.

Not Zackary Morad.

Today he sent me this emai:

Why don’t you try to stick your head up your ass and see if it fits?

Man look at the movies you are making, mediocre just your attitude, so I noticed that all the losers are coming out in droves, guys who have shit credits, so fuck off buddy

Obviously one fo the requirements of working as Steven Seagal's Assistant isn't being to write, or construct sentences that make much sense. As I was formulating a proper response involving a burro, a churro, and what I had done with Mrs. Morad and a cuccumber I recieved this email two minutes later...

I just noticed your other credits, WHAO, a PA who is telling me how to run my production, you must be very successful, and listen buddy, you will NEVER EVER MAKE it in this business, I tell you that much, when I started I worked for free for 2 years because I wanted it bad enough and that is why I am where I am today, I was 22 then, you look like you’re 50 and you still working as a PA

WHAO

I have no idea what WHAO means. Perhaps it is some Buddhist Battlecry all Steven Seagals' servants use in battle, or perhaps WHAO channels the power the ancients to type continously without the use of a period.

Anyway I sent Steven Seagal's former Asswipe this:

I PA'ed once as a favor, moron, and got paid more than you are paying Keys for your entire film. You would know that if you learned how to use IMDB.

I work as a script supervisor about twenty films in three years; nine listed on IMDB. But, wait, let me guess, you don't know what a script super does, right? Clue: script super = Not a P.A. I've also sold three scripts in five years and was two years as a development V.P. at a production company.

So I have "made it". As in I make a living in this industry. That's right a living; I do a job, get paid for it.

And you've been what? An assistant to Steven Seagal? BWAHAHAHAHA! Dude, that job insults itself.

Yeah, you "wanted it". You wanted it so bad that you are willing to pay people an illegal wage and insult anyone that points that fact out.

All you have is a total lack of respect for the people who you are hiring and the work we put into a film. You are totally right; don't listen to me. You can listen to the IATSE, and/or the California Labor Board, or your entire crew after they walk off your set.

Larry M.

Yep, folks, a life of working for the Zackary Morad's of the world for $7.50 an hour is what awaits you and your new career in the film industry.

As a side note: Zack served me, I served him.

Now, dear America, it is most assuredly ON.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Wonder What's On The Deuce?

Wow after the impressively disappointing spanking UCLA gave LSU and the equally boring blow-out of GMU by Florida I've suddenly lost any interest in the NCAA Basketball Championship.

Even though I guess I should be waving my big foam UCLA finger around (why? I never went there, I don't even live near there...) I just can't bring myself to care. Watching The Final Four yesterday removed the wind from my sails, and reminded me of the bad old days of College B-Ball when it was reliably Duke or Arkansas every year that would take home ... Whatever form of trophy the NCAA gives out.

At least I have a full season of Duke LaCross brought to the world via The HOTNetwork to look forward to.

Keep it Sexy, America.

A Fashion Trend P. Diddy Didn't Exploit?

So at halftime of the GMU vs Florida Game I walked across the street to the tres exclusive (translation: you pay an extra $1.50 for everything) Mayfair Market for a six pack and some chips when I spy this lithe Fourteen year old Thing hovering near the sushi counter.

What caught my eye was she was wearing a navy blue hoodie featuring the logo of the National Holocaust Museum and the typical "We WIll Not Forget" slogan on the back. Who knew the National Holocaust Museum had a gift shop? Who knew that genocide was the next big fashion trend?

Personally I cannot wait for the Armenian Genocide Track Suit by Tommy Hilfiger. Or Darfur Designer jeans by Armani.

Ah, yes, raising awareness while wearing Haute Couture. What's better than that?

Keep it Sexy, America.

At Point Guard ... KONG!

So I am sitting here in a tequila daze watching the Final Four, hoping that five dollars I blew on George Mason turns into twenty (okay, my friends are cheap-ass betters) and every fifteen minutes I see some gluttinous ad for King Kong pizza, or King Kong soda, or King Kong condoms...

And I wonder didn't we go through this like around Christmas, and didn't we all collectively shrug and tell Universal that a giant monkey climbing a building in New York resides in the been there, done that bin?

Nothing worse than someone trying to sell you something you didn't want again.

Keep it Sexy, America.