The Emmys: The New Grammys

I actually didn’t watch the Emmys last night. I couldn’t bring myself to care all that much, and frankly, it got in the way of me watching “Rome”. Short of the Thirteenth Legion charging through Wysteria Lane with Rapine and Looting in their eyes there isn’t very much that could turn my attention away from Caesar.

I did have my favorites however. Surprisingly none of them were on Network TV. “Deadwood” has been my favorite show of last year followed closely by “NIP/TUCK”, and even the soapy, maudlin homo-erotic antics of “Six Feet Under” somehow wooed me back in for a final year.  In my glass eyes not anything else came close on network TV.

“LOST” is a simple riddle that is much like the plot to the Matrix. It goes nowhere, makes everyone thinks its doing something, and looks good doing it. “Desperate Housewives” is “Six Feet Under” without, depth, substance, or any form of subtle acting. It’s a cotton candy guilty pleasure for the hypoglycemic HouseFrau set.

Not surprisingly the Emmys and to a lesser degree CBS decided to ignore the cutting edge of pop culture and hand out trophies to safe shows like “Everybody Loves Raymond” and “LOST”. Jeremy Piven didn’t get an Emmy for his demonically inspired Ari Gold on “Entourage”. But THANK GOD William Shatner finally got his!

I think this year The Emmy Awards have finally jumped their own Shark and descended into the land of irrelevancy that the Grammy Awards once solely occupied. Make way Carpenters winning Album of the Year over the Beatles for the 2005 Emmy Awards and William Shatner, Best Supporting Actor. Otherwise known as the year Network TV died.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Fall: Time for Love and New Bad TV

Ah, Fall is here, and damned if you can tell in Los Angeles. For me the season is marked in a tumbled out of my bed, pick up one of eighty remotes and flip on the TV to be greeted by (cue cheesy ESPN Music):

THE N-F-L!

Ah, yes, America’s real past time, Football. What’s particularly lovely is that when I, or any other civilized person wakes up in Hollywood, the early game is on. No painful hour of “Face the Nation” or the oppressive ballyhooing of Pre-Game. No, just pure Hi-Def Goodness when you wake up.

Speaking of oppressive Ballyhooing for whatever reason (and, yes, I was sober and clean at the time) I sat through Fox’s “War at Home”, the show that has claimed “Arrested Development” time slot. And, yeah, its star That Guy who was Brad Pitt’s roommate in ‘True Romance’.

Going from a Summer of “Entourage” to “War At Home” I was amazed that anyone bothers to watch Network TV anymore. I have never been much on half hour comedy anyway. The whole concept of setting aside this Half Hour so I can laugh and feel better about my sad life just seems so Bourgeois.

“War At Home” is like a re-do of “All in the Family” except no one bothered to change the jokes. You know you’re show is bleeding when the first fifteen minutes revolve around the Father’s angst about his Son’s perceived Gay’ness.

God, that’s funny? That’s news? To who, three people in a trailer park in Indiana? Then to further narrowcast to their audience of Red State White Males in their Fifties they bring the Sexy Daughter who is dating – OH MY GOD – a Black DUDE! Oh, my, what’s next? JEWS? HUH!? Funny stuff right? Howabout some hanging chad jokes, or a crack about Judge ITO?

Thankfully this will probably die on the vine soon enough. And there is always the deliciously vicious “EXTRAS” to look forward to.

Now I remember why there is an HBO and an F/X and why that’s mostly what I watch nowadays.

Keep it Sexy, America.




  

Restatement of the Obvious

George Bush said today, "Everything looks like it has been obliterated by the worst kind of weather..." Adding, "I do have some good news, I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance by calling Gieco."

He then ran off to Marine One where Dick Cheney presented him with a plate of cookies and read to him from, "My Pet Goat".

Keep it Sexy, America.

On CNN New Orleans is Burning ...

Somebody get George W. Bush a fiddle.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Where's Claude Rains When You Need Him?

Watching CNN and watching with a certain amount of amusement at the American Mass Media's outrage over FEMA / Homeland Security / W. Jr's "Response" (i.e. fiddle playing and dick-holding) to Hurricane Katrina. Anderson Cooper rings his hands and proclaims that he is SHOCKED, SHOCKED that there are no troops, there is no help, there is No There There. Gee, you think?

For six years the American Media has sat passively by as George Bush and his Texas cronies have done nothing but plunder the U.S. for personal gain, slashed funding for FEMA to fund a fishing expedition for Shadow Terrorists, and fight a fake war in Iraq. Now you are shocked that everything going to Hell??? Now you wonder where the troops are?

Gee, you know where the National Guard is? IRAQ! That's where the people who should be securing New Orleans are right now, instead defending oil fields for Halliburton.

Keep it Sexy, America.