Just posted this to IMDB's Message Board

And I thought it was blog-worthy (that, and I just have a wretched headache and cold) ...


"And, yes, this is an honest question:

Why are you so interested in disproving that Alexander the Great was bisexual? I am not arguing he was or wasn't. I don't know beyond it was quite common in Greece and later Rome for men to have male lovers, but why is disproving this assumption so incredibly important?

Does being a bisexual (or homosexual, or hetrosexual, or Ennuch) affect one's accomplishments and historical achievements? If it was an accepted fact that Alexander the Great was bisexual would that make him less great? Would his accomplishments, stunning military victories, and tactical and culutral achievements be lessened because he was bisexual? Is being gay or bisexual or outside the mainstream of the social norm disqualify a person from doing great things in the eyes of history?

And, please, no more trite crap answers in the form of "But Oliver Stone is distorting history!" Of course he is. Where have you been the last twenty years? That is all Oliver Stone does; he picks what works for his purpose and quietly discards the rest. Inconvenient facts that get in the way of Stone's stories get shifted into the studio dust bin. He is a filmmaker, a storyteller.

The art of any great story, whether rooted in fact or fiction, is a good dramatic lie. It is all propaganda in the classical sense. Was "The Longest Day" or John Wayne's "Alamo" an accurate historical depiction? Of course not. They were movies telling a story and evoking emotions in an attempt to entertain. That's why movies are called movies."

Keep it Sexy, America.

Irony Alert

Anyone else find this ironic in the face of the last two elections in the United States? From L.A. Times:

" The United States cannot accept the outcome of Ukraine's presidential election, Secretary of State Colin Powell said today in a strong rebuke to the validity of the balloting in the former Soviet bloc nation.

"What we stand for is free, fair, open elections. And we do not believe we have seen that in this instance," Powell said at a brief news conference in Washington."

Keep it Sexy, America.

Hot Anal Action Next On the DIsney Channel

On IMDB's Studio Briefing section I caught a random item that led to some thought. Apparently the "new thing" the Religious Right and the Self-Appointed Arbiters of both Good Television are on about is "Ala Carte" Cable service. Basically, good suburban Parents everywhere want the ability to pick and choose which cable channels get to Babysit Johnny and Suzie while their Parents are hosting swingers' parties in the rumpus room.

I am of two minds on this entire subject. There really is no reason why I should have to pay for PAX and ABC Family along with the thirty Spanish and Korean channels (nothing racial, but why get TV channels in a language you can't understand?). In reality, I watch thirty percent of the channels that Comcast gives me to watch. The rest is just garbage I have to end up wading through with Tivo at my side.

Not to mention "Cable Choice" might finally slay the tired old beast of Network TV and we won't have to watch 8 Law and Orders and 50 CSIs. Be honest. After watching "The Sopranos" and "Deadwood", or even "Nip/Tuck" and "The Shield" you really can watch more than an hour of the pre-canned, pre-written, and over-written pap that passes for comedy and drama on network television? If any other cable station was run like NBC or ABC they would be in the same ghetto reserved for The USA Network. But because the networks are protected by history and law they get a pass.

On the other hand in reality all we'll really have is less choice because cable operators are not going to pay for channels no one wants. That will mean the death of the History channel, and those Spanish channels that someone watches.

The reason the Religious Right is all about Ala Carte cable pricing is they believe that the masses of American cable and satellite subscribers will suddenly stop watching "Nip/Tuck" and "The Shield" if they aren't forced to recieve F/X, Lifetime, HBO, etc. In a statement, Tim Winter, executive director of the PTC, said, "Why should people be forced to pay for anal sex on FX when they want the Disney Channel? ..." Uh-huh. Right.

So in essence these people expect that Parents will automatically switch off F/X and HBO and whatever else they find offensive for the Disney Channel or PAX or EWTN. Right. If so then why is "Nip/Tuck" one of the highest rated shows (along with "The Shield") on basic cable? Not to mention the ever present HBO line-up, or even cable-wannabe shows like "Desperate Housewives"...If no one is wants them there still appears to be a helluva a lot of people watching them.

I have a feeling this is something the Religious Right is going to really regret if they manage to push it through Congress and the FCC. The channels that are going to go are the PAXs and the ABC Family's. HBO and F/X, they are here to stay. The Family Channels are the ones that are picked up by cable companies to fill out their line-up. Do you think any hardworkinf cable executive is going to pay an extra hundred thousand in fees to keep EWTN on the air when probably a thousand people watch it?

Also this "Cable Choice" initiative will put every cable channel on par with HBO. HBO can show R rated movies, uncensored, and have Tony Sopranos say fuck and chop off heads all they want because people pay extra for HBO. Therefore one could reasonable argue that "Cable Choice" puts every cable channel in that category since you have to pay for each and every channel. That gives free license for F/X to to show anal sex and take the final baby steps into the Fuck Frontier.

Besides, why is any of this going to make parents more responsible?

Hey anyone remember the V-Chip and TV Ratings? Between my Cable Box, my TIVO, and my TV there are about 100 different ways I can lock myself out of my own television, DVD player, PS2, cable, and DVR. Why can't all there concerned parents learn to use one, if not all, of these lock out systems to block channels... Yet Concerned Citizens argue that all this is not enough, we need more. Oh, wait, maybe that's not what this is all about.

Maybe what this is all about is a small minority of religious zealots and "concerned" (i.e. busy-body) Parents trying to dictate and control what we can all watch on television. They know they can censor television all at once. So what they do is a gradual approach. The V-Chip didn't work, so its ala carte cable, ala carte cable didn't work so maybe ...

Either that or they are simply too dumb to use the very technology they lobby to have implemented in the first place. If you take the responsiblity to have a child you might think that you would take the responsiblity to read a TV Guide and learn how to operate your own tv. Guess not. But don't make me shoulder the responsiblity for raising your kids for you.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Random Video Game Recomendation

While "Killzone" (PS2) and "Halo 2" (XBox) are fighting a gangland style war over Best Shooter for 2004 there's one game that has me wasting more valuable time than either one of the publicized games. For me, right now, I am ALL ABOUT "Call of Duty: Finest Hour".

Maybe its the World War 2 angle, or maybe I really can't stand Germans, or maybe my life has become so lethargic that I have to re-fight great moments in histoy and re-live great moments in other people's lives. Either way "Call of Duty" (for PS2) has me totally and completely hooked. I highly reccomend it.

"Call of Duty: Finest Hour" is on either Xbox or PS2 (only difference is that XBox's version has better graphics, but the PS2 version is extremely good looking by Playstation 2 standards). Buy it! Or I'll invade Poland.

Keep It Sexy, America.

Delivery, I got ya' delivery right here!

I admit it. I am a lazy bastard when it comes to physical labor. Anything I can do to get out of it, around it, or over it I will do it. So imagine my delight when I ordered my 42 in. Plasma from ButterflyPhoto and they offered "White Glove" service. This slightly fascist sounding service would require that a two man delivery team would bring my TV into my apartment, un-box it, and place it wherever my pea-peckin' heart wished.

Sounded pretty ducky to me. Afterall anything that keeps myspinal column away from a 100 pound television is worth the extra $100.00 Even if the shipper, Manna Distribution, is a company I had never heard of. Well, I soon learned that sometimes you don't always get what you pay for, and sometimes you also have to pay even more to get what you paid for.

I started to grow suspicious when I was contacted by Manna's Delivery department to schedule a delivery. They set up a delivery with a six hour window. Yes, six hours. My $2,500 tv would probably arrive somewhere between 11am and 4pm. You'd think if we can drop a bomb down a chimney and keep Keith Richards alive that you can narrow down the delivery of a TV to an hour or so. I mean, christ, what is this, cable tv?

Four and a half hours rolled by and just as my delivery window was about to be slammed shut on my fingers the delivery truck parked in front of my building. Well, it wasn't a delivery truck, it was a moving van from United Van Lines. Whether it was a rental or whether it was a local affiliate of United Van Lines I couldn't say, but what I discovered from a bit of poking around on the internet was that Manna Distribution is not really a delivery company in the traditional sense, like FEDEX and UPS. Nope, they don't own their own trucks, or have their own drivers. They simply dump the heavy lifting off onto one sub-contractor in whatever city somebody's tv. Apparently Manna's affiliate here is a member of the Mexican mafia.

I walked out onto the front porch to flag down the delivery truck (which had gotten lost even though I happen to live a block from one of the busiest sections in Los Angeles) I was confronted by the ugly visage of this driver with a heavy Chicano accent who sauntered like a gangbanger from "Training Day". After a brief exchange shouted from the doorway to confirm my address, I heard the words that made my stomach drop, "Hey, where you want it Man-g? We don't do stares no mo' Man-g."

Yes, apparently along with being a generally un-friendly, ugly motherfucker, this motherfucker also hated carrying large objects up stairs. Hey, who can blame him? I mean, who ever heard of a delivery man having to carry anything. The nerve. Yes, even though this was advertissed as "White Glove" service, my TV couldn't be carried up a single flight of stairs.

Visions of waiting at the bottom of my stairs, waiting until one of my friends to get home so I could pester them for a favor, I descended the stairs like Norma Desmond searching for her close up, fearing that if I didn't at least appear to take possesion of my TV it would soon disappears in the back of one of there guy's lowriders. They wheeled the carton over to the front of my stairs and here is where the plot thickened. The driver declared, "Hey, man-g, what you gonna do? You can't carry this TV up those stairs! I know you paid a lot for this TV, and I know you saved a lot too. SO if you can take care of us, we'll, you know, take care of you."

Ah, yes, apparently this was all my mistake. When I requested "White GLove" Service, I actually got Velvet Fist service. It was a devil's bargain, but what are you going to do? They have your TV and they are keenly aware you cannot move it. So I struck a bargain and paid the Eses $100.00 Cash to bring my TV upstairs. Of course, they did offer to help me set it up. There idea of setting it up is taking my plasma out of the box, spreading the parts for the stand everywhere, and then bailing out saying they had another delivery to make.

Yup, so afterall this 'White Glove Service", the task of setting up this 100 pound, thin and flat monster was left to me and my Girlfriend. Luckily the TV came out unscathed, my wallet and my Girlfriend's squashed hand can't say the same.

Of course, its partly my fault. I could've saved the money and recruited my friends ahead of time to help me set it up, but no I got greedy. I dared ask for a little customer service after dropping $2,500.00 on a television. I can't put a lot of blame on ButterflyPhoto directly; they held up their end of the bargain and got me my TV at a good price. As for the lovely company, Manna Distribution, all I can say is, Never Again.

I do not care how much money I can save, if I ever here that Manna is XYZ's solution to shipping Plasma TV I will run screaming towards the Sales Monkey's at Best Buy.

Keep it Sexy, America.

The Curse of the Slow Tick-tocking of hands

As I always anticipated I am waiting, waiting, waiting for my new plasma TV. Two hours now. Ever notice how when you really really wants something deliver that item generally take all day. But they always seem to show up with your refrigerator at 10am.

Keep It Sexy, America.

Getting Lazy Again

I really have nothing to write today.

I am little concerned with W.'s choice for a new attorney general. I have a feeling the Alberto Gonzales is a stealth John Ashcroft but just as bad (if not worse) in the end. According to an article in AVN, Gonzales endorsed the torture that occured at Abu Grahib and presumably similar incidents that have occured at Gauntanamo Bay. He wrote that "enemy combatants" (soldiers, in Pre-BushSpeak English) should not be afforded the protection of the Geneva Convention.

Gee, we have a lovely four years to look forward to.

I updated my Cool Links to give you a bit of insight into my brain as well.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Flight of the Firefox

Like a lot of people apparently I have made the switch to Mozilla's new FireFox browser.

While I haven't dumped IE totally (its still on my hard drive) I've made Firefox my main browser, and I love it. Finally someone developed a better browser. One more step to software sanity.

And while you are at it, download OpenOffice, the free, open-source alternative MS Office.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Debt as Social Control

Today I recieved notice that my Plasma TV had been shipped out from New York State. Intially I was happy, almost kid-like giddy. Since plasma tvs start coming out wide I've wanted one. They just look way too cool for a geek like me not to have. Not to mention the one I bought is the Panasonic model everyone wants and is getting hard to find for a decent price. So add to my geeky satisfaction of being ahead of the curb of everyone else.

But then as I sit drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper and smoking I begin to wonder if buying a Plasma TV is just what I am expected to do. If, in some small way, I am helping to perpetuate a silent cycle of consummerism as middle class slavery. My line of thought on this topic began to form when I contemplated how I paid for this new technological wonder.

A credit card.

Not many people, I think, give buying anything on a credit card much thought beyond making the minimum payments each month. To most people I wager, a credit card is just another way to get what they want and not have to pay for it all up front. Debt and credit as income. No one looks at credit as another way for the rich and powerful to control the masses while they profit off them. Think about it.

If you accept the idea that everything on the world is based on balance and control, that for a civil society to run properly there needs to be rules, rules typically made by a few, enforced on the many, and that have to also be passively accepted by everyone. Now I'm not just talking about social laws like murder and theft, but even more basic social contrivances like the concept of money.

Money as a physical thing can only exist when both parties (the seller and the buyer) agree that a thing is worth something. In the old days this was all determined by barter. Two cows were worth a dozen chickens, and so forth. Even in modern times (up until the Great Depression) that Something was judged against gold, or another precious metal, and that in a really symplistic way is how a Dollar was judged to be worth a Dollar. Nowadays the worth of a Dollar and a Euro are all assigned through a incredibly complex system of trading and banking that no one really can understand except its architects.

With all that aside, a Dollar is only worth a Dollar because we (as a civil society) all agree that a Dollar is worth a Dollar. A plasma TV is worth $2,500 dollars, a car is worth twenty or thirty thousand dollar, etc. This is an unspoken rule that is so basic we never really think about it.

Even those rules have controls. In a Communist system those controls are flamingly obvious, gross, and more or less ineffective. In capitalist societies the controls are more subtle and more insidious when left to run wild by a government that benefits more from Capitalist run amok than is hurt by it.

Ask yourself, do you want to change the world?

Do you want a healthcare system that works and function without the bogeymen of HMOs telling you what healthcare you recieve? Do you want a social safety net that provides for the poor and elderly some modicum of solvency? Do you want the government to insure that corporations are administrated fairly and that they follow the same rules that a private person has to follow? Do you even want a strong military?

These are common things that every, or most every voter desires from his government. But oddly enough (outside of a military build up) goals like a solvent, working health care system run by anyone else other than huge corporations never seem to make it. Why? Basically public support for items such as education and health care evaporate when the voting public find out how much it is going to cost them in taxes and fees.

So, ask yourself, what do you have to lose?

If you look at the great social revolutions throughout history whether its the French Revolution or the Bolshievick revolt in Russia were spurred on by a majority of an oppressed, impoverished populice that had nothing to lose.

What stops the poor and middle class from revolting in a capitalist society? Because everyone has something to lose. The poor run the risk of becoming even more poor. They might of course flip the balance of power around if they win, but they also risk losing everything. If they lose, they lose the pitance of social welfare. The middle class are in the same situation but more so. Either way they are screwed. If there is a social revolution the middle class lose everything, if there is the slightest bit of shift in the balance of taxes versus income the middle class lose because they cannot pay their bills. Bills that consist of mostly what? Credit cards.

So think about it. How can you control the middle class? Simple. First give them just enough social mobility that they will never be poor and never want to be poor. They will look down their noses at the poor because they have a job, why can't those people get them. And then promise the middle class the chance at upward mobility. The rich says to the middle class, hey, you can be just like me, just like Donald Trump over there, or Paris Hilton. "If you work hard and play by the rules..." we've all heard, like a Mother's Fairy Tale.

After that simple greed and avarice takes over. People like me begin to lust after plasma TVs and BMWs and Versace suits. The solution presents itself in the form of credit cards. We can have it all and not get anywhere. Every dime made is eventually poured back into debt and new possessions. No wealth is ever accumulated, only the illusion and trappings of it.

Higher taxes for health care and better schools? No way. The reason has nothing to do with "keeping more of what you make", or "over-stretched families", or any of the pap spewed out by politicians and their cronies. The fact of the matter is that most of the middle class is stuck in debt and chasing the newiest toys without any thought of how this endless cycle of consuming screws everyone. Outside of the truly rich and the people the control the system.

So I wonder when I buy a plasma tv and pay for it in plastic if I am not just helping to perpetuate the cycle of consuming and paying off that enslaves everyone.

I have no solutions. Not saying do away with credit, or put America back on the gold standard, or stand up workers and unite. Neither slogans from the right or the left offer a real solution. What I am talking about is a paradox that may have no answer.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Hoo "RAY", or filmmaking lesson for the mediocre

As you already read I caught "Sideways" at Arclight Theaters Saturday. Earlier in the evening I also caught "Ray", the music video turned bio-pic of Ray Charles. You'd think with a topic as meaty and rich as the Godfather of soul, r & b, and rock that you'd have a fascinating portrait of a man possessed by music. A kind of movie you can really take a risk and sink in your creative claws.

You'd think that is what they were thinking. Obviously they weren't.

Yes, Jaime Fox is utterly breathtaking as Ray, the man, and in my opinion deserves a golden statue for his performance. The rest of the cast is equally flawless in their supporting roles. Keep an eye peeled for Richard Schiff and Curtis Armstrong, as Atlantic record executives Jerry Wexler and Ahmet Ertegun, who several times could be prosecuted for stealing scenes.

And the music is of course amazing.

But everything else about "Ray" is convention and superficial filmmaking at its best. "Ray" finds every risk to take and avoids them completely. Whether its Ray Charles real life heroin addiction or growing up in Jim Crowe Georgia "Ray", the film, seems to duck all the hard questions. Instead opting to cut away to a catchy tune and a great musical number. "Ray" is a biopic that with a lesser budget and far lesser cast could be a CBS movie of the week.

If it wasn't for Jaime Foxx "Ray" would've sank into that mire anyway. I shudder to think what would happen to the story of the Genius if, say, the role landed in the lap of Will Smith.

"Ray" is a lot missed chances for a great movie. Both "Velvet Goldmine" and Oliver Stone's "The Doors" handled music and music-makers with such deft skill that you felt like you knew the characters. The only thing you leave "Ray" with is more questions about the man than a portrait of him.

Keep it Sexy, America.

Has everyone gone completely Sideways?

Every year there is a film that comes out that the film industry press seems to line up to perform the equivilent of the film reviewers Bukkake on. Each one wanting to be the first to spew forth their precious bodily opinions in a fount of words. And usually that film is also the one film I just do not Get.

Last year it was "Mystic River". A couple years before that it was "Good Will Hunting". This year it is Alexander Payne's latest, "Sideways". If you've paid any attention to the reviews (bully for you if you haven't) you'll know that critics are falling over themselves to ejaculate on the face of this supposed comedic masterpiece.

Always wanting to be a part of the crowd I trucked my girlfriend and myself down to Arclight Theaters to see this supposed masterpiece. Gee, what a jip.

"Sideways" is sort of a road movie mixed in with a buddy comedy that I found to be dull and ponderous, elitist in its tastes, and also to be sort of distasteful in its choice of characters. It tries hard to be a great movie. Hell, you can practically see Alexander Payne screaming, all the way from Nebraska (or wherever the fuck he lives), "Look at me, look at me!" to the Motion Picture Academy as he coaxes an Oscar Nom worthy performance from Virginia Madsen, and getting a performance from that dude who's last memorable moment occured on "Wings". But it all adds up to... ZIP.

For me at least. I am not as pompous as Kenny Turan over at L.A. Times to assume that just because I did not like a movie that a movie isn't worth seeing.

"Sideways" starts with the two main characters Miles and Jack off on a week long road trip to SoCal wine country before Jack's wedding to an Armenian chick. No, I am not trying to demean Armenians. But that is the only sense of her you get; a spoiled Armenian Princess with rich tastes on the other end of an ever ringing cell phone. That is where I think "Sideways" begins to really falter before it begins. The extremely uneven characterization.

Jack, played by compentently by Thomas Haden Church, is a fully flushed out bastard; used up soap star still seeking out pearls of validation in any seedy corner he can get it. Miles, the Buddy, played by Paul Giamatti, is a mix of cliches sprinkled with more cliches. He is, of course, a writer possessed by an emotional impotency sense his wife dumped him. Miles also has a book that he cannot sell; you also get the impression throughout the movie that he also knows "deep down" the book he's invested his time and effort in really does blow and will never sell. So add economic and creation impotency onto the list of charges. Miles' only solice is knowing a fuck-load about wine that verges into minutia. In a world based around risk and competition, wine -- knowing about it, and drinking it -- is the only field in which Miles can compete.


Frankly, I am a bit tired of writers being portrayed as these impotent, introverted souls who cannot talk to a girl and cannot bare to take a risk. People who live in constant fear of criticism and who need their egos constantly stroked. Being in the business of writing takes a lot of balls and guts, not to mention the willingness to take risks (in case you haven't noticed there is not a lot of call for the prose enabled nowadays). In fact, being a struggling artist of any kind involves having guts, balls, and taking risks. Unless I am the odd man out and really do have more personality than your average writer. Could be.

But I have a feeling that what you see film after film where a writer comes in stage right is partially what a trained movie-going audience expects and partially what people in Hollywood are. I mean, lets face it, the only people who have time to whine about their book not being published, or feel sorry for themselves because their wife dumped them because they were a lousy lay are the people that don't have to meet a deadline at the end of the week to keep on eating. Me, I don't have time to cry. Get busy writing or get busy dying.

And that sort of winds slowly around to another main problem with "Sideways". All the characters are incredibly unsympathetic and pathetic souls. Jack goes around and screws every girl in sight because he cannot tolerate the idea of someone not being around to adore him, and then lies to everyone including himself to cover it up. Miles is of course impotent and weaselly, he whines like a douche constantly and when not whining he's drinking it. In fact, both characters come off as alcoholics a week removed from an AA Meeting.

So these two unlovable douchebags take off to Santa Ynez's wine valley, and there they stumble into (in these kind of movies one can never just plan to meet a person, there always has to be a lot of intentional stumbling into) a lovely waitress, Maya (who in the grand Hollywood tradition is not only just a waitress but also a student of horticulture and wine), played by the glowing Virginia Madsen, and the spunky, horny, Sex and the Wine Country Wannabe, Stephanie, played by the always homely non-starter, Sandra Oh.

Sandra Oh's character is just another lovable douche much in the same way that Jack and Miles are. She's a single mom pursuing career as that chick who empties out the leftovver bucket at wine tastings and who has her thighs firmly set on Jack. It is the kind of character critics often kant about and call "bold and refreshing". Yet, in essence, she's just another wine country douche. After shacking up with Jack for a night, and convinced by his silver tongued promises, decides to make this stranger into her next Suitor. Somehow this douchbaggery and stupidity because Stephanie has "Feelings" which "Get Hurt" makes her adolescent behavior okay.

The only bright spot is Virginia Madsen who seems to bring genuine nuisance to the roll of Maya. She gives heart and depth to another walking cliche, and gives her character a second dimension. She feels like a real person in the midst of idiots. In the end, you wonder how could she ever be attracted to a miserable creature like Miles?

Unless you are blind, you should know where "Sideways" is going by now. Jack and Miles meet up with Maya and Stephanie. Jack and Stephanie get it on, while Maya and Miles relationship orbits around Miles inablity to make a move. When Miles finally gets up the nerve to bed Maya things are quickly spoiled when Jack's dirty dealings are put on full display. Everyone goes their separate ways, and somehow in the end though Miles ends up with Maya.

I don't know. There is a good movie in here somewhere but nothing really worked for me. The plot (if there was one) rambles and plods at times. The characters and their flaws are interesting to a degree but Payne seems too intent to get to Jack's impending wedding to really explore his characters. You never get a picture of why these characters are the way they are, or why they act the why they do. The funny moments are few and far between, and occasionally the moments that are supposed to be funny are just uncomfortable for both the characters and the audience.

That's my take at least. Obivously the critics disagree. I guess it will just have to come down to a Texas Hold 'Em tournment to decide who's right. Bring it on, Ebert!

Keep It Sexy, America.

One Country Gone Dumb

Surprisingly I have not a thing to say about the election (for the President of the US of A that is, in case your head up a supermodel's bottom for four years). Everything that can be said by the Left and Progressive side of our country has been said, and for the most part said in far more glib and timely a fashion than I.

To summerize my feelings: Yeah, we are fucked. And frankly I think we (used collectively for our not so beloved country) we deserve whatever that thorough fucking entails. Whether that's a series of Ashlee Simpson No. 1 hits, or the end of Roe Vs. Wade, or a Stalinist style pogram against gays and lesbians, or a never-ending war in Iraq where bodybags upon bodybags silenlty rolls off the back of somber green cargo planes.

Eighty percent of the country agrees with this agenda in some way, shape, or form. A sea of red rolling over the rights of fellow countrymen, so consumed with consuming and conforming, so worried about the gay couple next to them and the terrorist under their bed that they are willing to sell themselves to a puppet shyster and a pack of rich oil cronies in Texas.

The problem is not George W. Bush, I realized waking up from a hung-over stooper the day after. The problem is not the electoral college, or electronic voting machines, or the Democratic party. Their problems are all symptomatic of the problem at large.

The problem is in Us, and is Us. It is an It -- an undefinable, alien, amorphous disease -- thats growing at the heart of the American character. To steal from John Dean (and, hey, isn't that ironic prose) the It is a cancer eating at the heart of our Character and turning 80% of the country a sick color of Fascist red.

We are a country were a little over half the voting populace believes that gay men getting married is a far worse problem than a President who has lied to justify a war that had no justification. A country where ten percent of the country controls ninety percent of the wealth, where hired mercenaries from a multinational corporation get paid more to drive trucks back and forth to oil fields than soldiers get to die protecting those same oil fields, and where there's a terrorist under every bed and an FBI agent in ever bedroom window.

Yes, that's our country. That's the heart and soul of our country, and those are now our morals. With a country like that do you really think it matters who gets elected? Not with a populice with those priorities.

How is someone with even the slimmest of progressive ideals to get elected in a country where half the population sees the gay guy in the cubicle next to them as a sexual deviant? How are we ever supposed to have economic stablity when half the population would rather buy a new TV or car rather than pay off the debts they already have? How are we suppose to formulate a sane energy policy when half the population lays out millions of dollars for the newest gas guzzling SUV? How are we supposed to be the leaders of the free world where most people in this country have not even left this country?

We are all guilty here. In some small way we've all helped feed this tumorent red monster. I know I have. So when you look around and try to find the answer to why George W. Bush was reelected President take a good look in the mirror.

Welcome to the Brave New World, now on sale at Wal-Mart.

Keep It Sexy, America